


insecurity

by HopelessMasquerade



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Awkwardness, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 11:38:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8487868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopelessMasquerade/pseuds/HopelessMasquerade
Summary: After an entire year bearing with an overwhelming crush, Hara finally decides to confess, afraid of a possible bad outcome. Life, however, wasn't as pessimistic as he thought it to be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> >puts fic on hiatus  
> >writes this, which is actually linked to that same fic  
> >rushed ending, doesn't check for mistakes or edit bc of laziness  
> >dabs  
> >wonders why crack hq pairings still get more hits than Obscure, Trash Pairs

Practice had been as exhausting and fearsome as always, having left those brave enough to engage on it longing for a good night’s rest. Both the newbies and those who’d already joined the team the year before wondered which kind of twisted mind came up with those disturbing schedules; the boy himself didn’t care, as it was required to meet his goals.

Hara Kazuya, in particular, was worn out, and not just because of that day’s terrifying, bone-breaking practice session. Midway through three-pointer exercises, he began dwelling on an old crush of his; a crush which also happened to play on that team as well. He’d tried to forget about it, and tried to wash away those thoughts until he arrived home. 

But, just like that crush, those thoughts had gotten too strong.

Hara could recall that day, the day where he fell for him, as if it had been yesterday. And he fell, he fell hard; hard enough to realize that the boy he’d fell for had been the one he’d been looking for. Someone Hara knew would never leave him, someone he enjoyed spending time with, and someone which made him feel good about himself. The kind of person Hara had been craving for years.

It almost was the obsessive kind of love. Hara couldn’t get him off his head. Neither him, nor his soothing, heart-warming smile. Never before had he fell so hard for someone before, to the point he’d even struggled to speak to him at times, having kept numerous love confessions to himself. 

At first, he could handle it at ease, but as time passed, Hara found it harder and harder, almost impossible to keep himself from confessing or casually holding the boys’ hand. He’d thought of those scenarios, but had never thought of such a thing becoming true. 

Hara had never thought that it would come the day where his thoughts would surpass his own self; where, after having barely given it any thought, he would end up confessing to that same boy. It was a choice which he’d made out of impulse, and which he knew he would regret, as he felt like the boy would either reject or laugh at him.

Going back home with him only made things worse, and Hara could feel himself regretting each one of his life choices, tense, hands trembling as he stepped further and further into the streets. Night fell upon them, with the Moon reigning over the suburbs, lights clearing the streets for them and numerous crows cawing above the neighbourhood. Usually, Hara would’ve enjoyed such a sigh, focusing on the sounds. But he couldn’t when his only thought was if his confession would reach him; if things would turn out alright, and the boy would understand.

Surprisingly, him, named Yamazaki, hadn’t noticed any of this. He’d just assumed Hara was being shy. Yamazaki, however, had his own struggles as well, and they were no different from Hara’s, with the exception that he’d never had a crush before. He’d only seen girls as pretty, sometimes gorgeous, and had never truly cared about boys, having thought of such a thing as unnatural thanks to his peers.

Which was the reason as to why Yamazaki had found it awkward to, suddenly, fall for Hara.

Not that Yamazaki hated Hara. He considered him a close friend, sometimes complaining about his numerous quirks and his flirty, slightly annoying personality. But he’d never thought he would end up falling in love with him; particularly after having grown up with the idea that he could only fall for girls, and that falling for another boy was something “unnatural”, even wretched.

They were confused, the both of them. Hara, because he didn’t have an explanation as to why he’d fell for Yamazaki. The other one, because he felt like there was something wrong with him. Obviously, they hid it from each other, each one for their own reasons, particularly because they didn’t want to bother each other.

Time passed, and they walked. They walked, and walked, and said nothing, even though the two of them wanted to speak more than anything. Under a dark sky, covered by small, almost microscopic stars, and a full moon, they walked, hiding secrets from each other, both of them afraid to confess, afraid of what the other one would think. Afraid of being honest with each other.

And they kept walking, until they reached the bridge which led to Hara’s home. There, a fierce, unexpected impulse hit Hara, and the boy grabbed Yamazaki’s wrist, his hands still trembling, taking deep, deep breaths, wishing to say nothing but one thing. The way he’d stopped Yamazaki had been aggressive, as if he’d lost control of himself, and Yamazaki couldn’t help but notice the strength of his grip; the kind of grip that would leave any sort of mark on his skin.

Indeed, Yamazaki had been surprised, even shocked, quickly turning to Hara, eyeing him with a curious, slightly frightened gaze, colder than usual. But Hara said nothing. The boy had fixed his gaze on Yamazaki’s, and Yamazaki knew it, as he could feel Hara’s piercing gaze crushing him alive. 

Heartbeats quickened, breaths intensified, and curiosity increased with each second. Eventually, Hara released Yamazaki’s wrist, lowering his head afterwards, as if he’d done something which he regretted. Yamazaki kept eyeing him, obviously not knowing what was happening, only for Hara to raise his head at him, revealing his hidden eyes. He looked way more anxious than Yamazaki could ever be.

Hara then gulped, feeling his heart pound against his chest, as if it wanted to find a way out. His entire body trembled, his hands froze, and he felt like he would faint right there. He felt like he was embarrassing himself in front of the boy he loved.

Sadly, the impulse had never left. It was still there, and it didn’t look like it would leave soon.

“Hiroshi,” Hara spoke, licking his lips then, “I’ve been feeling like this… For quite a while. S-Since last year, completely. And, like, I’ve never had the guts to tell you until now.”

Yamazaki simply frowned at him, intrigued. He refused to speak, or interrupt him, no matter how strong and frightening his urge got.

“I-I love spending time with you, and hanging out, and all that stuff. Like, you don’t know how much I enjoy your company. Dunno, b-but I believe it’s too much for you to even understand,” he paused and took a deep breath, way more anxious than before. “And, well, it turns out that… Things sort of got out of hand.”

After another pause, he rose his voice. “The thing is, that I love you, Hiroshi. I don’t know why, but I love you too much. Too fucking much. This shit has been distracting me a lot during practice and… I couldn’t keep it to myself for any longer.”  
“And,” Hara’s voice began to crack; his anxiety had grown too much, “if you think this all sounds like bullshit, or you wanna laugh at me, then it’s cool! I just- I had t-to get this out of my chest!”

When he finished, Hara felt like as if he was about to have a panic attack. He’d only felt like that a couple times before, but had never thought such a situation would happen to him. He’d never thought love confessions were this hard, particularly when he felt like his crush could leave him at any moment.

It was the same daunting feeling as before, except that now Hara could almost feel himself crying. Whatever Yamazaki’s reaction was, he wanted it to happen as soon as possible.

Except that Yamazaki didn’t believe it had sounded like bullshit. He wasn’t any used to love confessions, being Hara’s the first one he’d ever gotten. He hadn’t even suspected anything regarding Hara’s crush before; he’d just thought Hara was a bit clingy towards him, but nothing else. Nothing negative, and nothing that would damage Hara if told.

Hara’s confession, though, had given Yamazaki a good chance to confess his own feelings as well. Perhaps Hara could help him figure out if there was truly something wrong about him, or if he didn’t have to worry at all. That is, if Hara could ever calm down.

It wasn’t like Yamazaki would only watch, though. But the only way he’d thought he could help Hara calm down, had been placing his hand on his shoulder, and giving him a softer, relaxed look. And he did, trying his best to hide his own anxiety and fears, knowing that Hara could see his reddened cheeks.

“L-Listen, Hara,” Yamazaki blinked, constantly breaking eye contact, barely able to keep his anxiety away. “There’s, like, something I, uh, gotta confess as well.”

He gulped. “The thing is… I- I’m in love with you as well. And I can’t fucking explain why. I-It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like this about anyone, and,” he lowered his gaze, “the fact t-that you’re a guy, well, it’s fucking awkward. Shit, I don’t know!”

A silence followed them; soon, Hara muttered again.

“…Mind coming over?”

**···**

Hara’s room was awkwardly silent, unlike that one sloppy place which he knew, and that would usually be blasting songs, even at risky hours. It was untidy as usual, though, but no songs were being played, which was the reason as to why something felt missing.

Still anxious, although not much, Yamazaki sat on Hara’s bed, looking around his room. The other boy casually sat next to him, leaning forward, eyes fixed on the floor, waiting for Yamazaki to speak up. Yamazaki, thought, wasn’t in the best mood to speak, knowing and regretting what he’d said before. Perhaps he’d made Hara way more uncomfortable than he already was, or he’d said something wrong.

He had to apologize, just in case. Hara wasn’t the kind of person that easily got over things, especially negative ones, and Yamazaki didn’t want to keep on talking knowing that he’d hurt one of his best friends, and the one which he loved the most.

He took a deep breath, and spoke.

“Hara, listen… I, uh, gotta apologize for-”

Leaning backwards, Hara fell on his bed. As usual, he’d gotten over the previous events incredibly quick, although he still felt sort of nervous, though his body and hands had stopped trembling and he no longer wanted to cry.

“It ain’t nothing, man.”

Shocked, Yamazaki turned to him, his jaw dropped and eyes wide opened. That wasn’t the kind of response he’d been expecting, not after having witnessed Hara almost break down before. However, just like with any of Hara’s moods, it changed unexpectedly fast.

Yamazaki still felt guilty, though.

“I still wanna, like, apologize. You heard what I said,” he paused, trying to calm down. “M-My first crush, and, like, it’s a guy. I fucking fell for a guy. I… I can’t believe it turned out to be like this.”

Hara clicked his tongue, annoyed, sighing afterwards. “You’re worrying too much, Zaki. You like a guy, and what? It ain’t the end of the world.”

“W-Well, yeah, I guess-”

His reply got interrupted by Hara fiercely slamming the bed’s quilt, as if he wanted Yamazaki to lie next to him. Though Yamazaki didn’t quite understand that hint, and, instead, Hara was the one to join, rising from bed and sitting next to him.  
The room remained quiet. No music played, as Hara thought it would ruin the mood. He giggled and turned to Yamazaki, grinning.

“I’m telling you, there’s nothing wrong with that!” Hara comforted him, patting his back, with each pat being somewhat stronger than the previous one. “You like guys? Cool then. You like ‘em all? That’s cool as well. Like, after all, what matters ain’t what you like but who you like.”

It didn’t took Hara too long to realize what he’d just said; when he did, he went silent for a while. His expression turned blank as well, with Yamazaki staring back at him as if he’d just murdered someone. Hara felt like he deserved something worse than just having his friend stare at him like that.

Cheeks turned pink, then red, and Hara withdrew his arm from Yamazaki’s back to cover his lower face, embarrassed. Now that Yamazaki knew one of his deepest, best hidden secrets, he had to run away and hide inside a sewer for the rest of his life, hoping people forgot about his existence. 

That, however, would only happen if Yamazaki laughed or made fun of Hara. Which he wouldn’t.

“D-Dude,” Yamazaki grumbled, slighly disturbed, “that’s, eh, cool! I mean, you just said that what I should care about is the guy I like, a-and not the fact that, well, I like guys!”

Upon his reaction, Hara withdrew his hand from his mouth, fascinated by Yamazaki’s words. He could’ve never seen that coming, not even when his trust issues were at their worst and he could only but think that he’d be laughed at, no matter what he said.

His immediate reaction to that had been hugging Yamazaki with all his strength, not caring about his possible reaction, as a way to thank him. With the exception that Yamazaki wasn’t sure on how to react; he loved the way Hara had clung to him, and how he’d buried his face on his shoulder, as if he didn’t want to let go. Yamazaki didn’t, either, but the fact that Hara had hug them all of the sudden sort of made him uncomfortable.

Hara knew Yamazaki was the perfect partner for him; Yamazaki sort of felt the same about Hara, though he would have to get used to his numerous pranks and antics. Theirs would be the kind of relationship to take months, even years to fully bloom, but not a relationship any of them would regret.

Without ever letting go of Yamazaki, Hara placed his head closer to Yamazaki’s ear, not without looking at his freckles before.

“I love you,” he whispered, with a smile that had never left his face.


End file.
